suh huh tuh huh nuh huh muh huh

that's the mantra that cleared my mind last night. the phrase sut nam means "truth is my identity". when it is parsed into short syllables and aspirations as above, it is supposed to resonate with a natural rhythm in the body. when you keep it up for a long time, it's amazing the sensations and feelings of wholeness that arise. first the beating of my heart fell in line with the rythym of the syllables, and then a pulsing feeling in my fingers, and eventually the sorts of thoughts and memories that have been going through my head for the last few weeks started to look different and seem less important. even when i got to a point where i felt pretty relaxed and not so emotionally involved and tried to go to sleep, the mantra suh huh tuh huh nuh huh muh huh just kept going in my head and sort of carried me to sleep.

breath out: abandonment, selfishness, jealousy, demotivation, cynicism, clouded vision, lust, elitism, egotism, lethargy, tension, anxiety, fear

breath in: compassion, love, nonjudgementality, hope, optimism, exercise, understanding, acceptance, motivation, selflessness, humility, confidence, peace

meditation is pretty meta because you are stepping outside of your conscious thoughts and observing them. and yet you can't get any more grounded than when you're focusing on your breath. maybe this is the answer.