meta mit

this is why i am so glad i'm not in the horrible thought bubble i was in at mit anymore. but i feel very strongly for the poor kids who are still caught in the negative feedback loop of feeling overwhelmed, not performing, and getting even more demotivated, rinse, wash, repeat. it feels so eternal and clouds perspective so profoundly. i wanted to take a term off like every term. here's a quote from a dear friend still in the bubble:

when mit students stopped being people

some of us were like this before we came here. some of us adopted it quickly after we got here. some of us keep trying but it never feels quite right. that last category of people are those that end up driving themselves into a psycho-depression where they oscillate between feeling really satisfied and really unfulfilled.

no, this is not in reference to being a red sox fan. this is in reference to that strange phenomenon where we define our self-worth by things like "getting an A on an 8.01 exam" or "getting published in Science" or "being able to take 8 classes a term and pass them all". when we're feeling down about ourselves, we find reconciliation in these accomplishments.

we all have goals. getting an A in 5.12 helps us get to the place where we imagine we'll be happy in the future. present happiness and satifaction with life become inconsequential so long as that goal never becomes unreachable. if it means you have to lie to your professor about being sick when you accidentally slept through the class, or popping a bunch of ADHD medication so that you can stay up to finish a pset--then fine; the ends justifies the means.

since when did we have to choose between values and goals? do we design our goals to fit into the framework of our values? or do we design values to fit into the framework of our goals?

upon arriving to mit, you are handed those goals on a platter. (ok that might be an exaggeration--it's more like a buffet-style luncheon with limited options). maybe you brought your lunch and had your own goals in mind that happened to fit well into life here. some of you will design your values around being able to accomplish those goals. some of you will try to reconcile your new goals and old values, and it will eventually drive you crazy until you up and leave, take time off, or suck it up till graduation while complaining the whole time.

those of you who don't fit into one of those two categories: congratulations. you are really the ones that deserve to be here. Seriously.

i don't mean to criticize anyone, Really. the vast majority of people at mit are great intellectuals capable of amazing things. but intellect doesn't mean that you can accomplish a set of pre-packaged goals And achieve fulfillment. are you in control? or are you floating through? what does your Ideal look like?

perhaps instead of answering those questions, it would be easier just to do those 2 problem sets that are due tomorrow. think about it later. you have a lot to do tonight for school. if you put it off long enough, then maybe you won't remember it bothering you at all.